I’m Sure its All About Safety

Last month, we headed to Orlando to celebrate our anniversary back at the scene of the crime, so to speak. This required us to fly, marking Three’s 5th round trip flight in less than 3 years, and his 3rd in less than a year.

On the way down we flew out of the small local airport. Which was not actually as annoying as it has been in the past (I think not being on the first flight out helped that tremendously). Now that Three is older, we opted to check the stroller and let him walk until it it got delivered to our room later that day (love the magical express luggage service), and we bought him a CARES harness to fly with, so no car seat for us! After we checked in and delivered our checked luggage to the the TSA scanners, we got on the security line. It was there we discovered that somewhere in the back of Three’s memory banks, he had stored the information that he has to take off his shoes to go through security and that the bags had to go on the belt through the scanner. My super shy and tentative child even gathered up the nerve to walk through the metal detector all by his lonesome, he was that comfortable with the process. It was adorable. And rather impressive.

Also adorable? Three rolling his little suitcase down the aisle of the plane ‘just like Pop!’

The Husband travels ALL the time, and has little patience for the first time flyer types. Which is exactly who flys in and out of the Orlando International Airport (MCO to those of us who live & breath airport codes). In order to combat frequent flyer rage and prevent them from killing their fellow passengers, the TSA at MCO has instituted 2 security lines – ‘Experienced Travelers’ and then everyone else.

I don’t fly nearly as often as the husband does, but I know my way around an airport, and (as most of my flight experience has occurred in a post 9/11 world) TSA’s security rules. I often know the rules better than they do as when we were traveling with an infant who was still on formula and such I needed to be sure I knew what I could bring and what I couldn’t. I know the 3 ounce rule, I know the quart bag rule, the husband has the fancy laptop bag that lets him send his computer through the scanner without taking it out of the bag, we strip down to basically our underwear when going through security (kidding, mostly), we got this travel thing down.

So, whilst at MCO  preparing for our flight home, after having our IDs checked by a totally humorless TSA employee, we found ourselves presented with the 2 security lines. We had 3 carry on bags with us (including Three’s rolling bag), no stroller, no car seat, and I had our one small bag of 3 ounce liquids easily accessible, as well as Three’s sippy cup, out and ready to be tested. Three was already begging me to take off his sneakers.We took one look at the ‘I have never flown before in my life ‘ line and noted it was extended well beyond the 15 minutes from this point point, and the no line what so ever ‘I know what I am doing line’ and, well, obviously we tried to go through the ‘Experienced’ line.

Only what the sign for the ‘Experienced Traveler’ line doesn’t tell you is that it doesn’t matter how many flights your kid as been on, if you have a kid under 12 you are not allowed on that line.

So instead, we had to stand on the ‘people who have never been on a plane before, what do you mean I can’t take this bottle of water I JUST bought at that store over there its still full, and what do you mean I have to take my shoes off too’ line for half a freakin’ hour. We didn’t wait in a line that long for a ride while we were in Disney World. So while a (very attractive male, at least I had that going for me) TSA employee spent the time we were in line explaining the rules to people and handing out plastic bags that they could but their liquids in, I had a very squirmy toddler who just wanted to take off his shoes already. The ridiculously long wait did give me plenty of time to glare at the TSA agent who wouldn’t allow us through the experienced line though.

And don’t get me wrong, even on our last trip to WDW in March, I wouldn’t have even thought to do the other line. For that trip we had Three’s carseat with us, and his stroller. Even to me as a mother that is too  much kid stuff to submit other people to. But when we have the kid stuff pared down, and my toddler has to wait for dumb schmuck #789 to take their belt off before going through the metal detector AGAIN, its supremely frustrating to get judged as inexperienced solely because we have a small child in tow.

We are flying to Puerto Rico in a few weeks via American Airlines. The husband has platinum status which equals a short security line at JFK. Unless they suddenly have rules against kids there, too. In which case, GAH! At least Three can still get upgraded on American. I hear its doubly awesome to be sitting in first class when disgruntled passengers are making their way back to coach and they see your toddler in ‘their’ seat. Perhaps I will be lucky enough to experience that.

On a side note, I changed clothes before heading to the airport. After we had sent our bags ahead that morning (yay for resort airline check in). It was only when I was standing in the bathroom at the Boardwalk that I realized that I had forgotten to keep a bra around to wear for the flight home (I didn’t wear one that morning in Magic Kingdom, advantage of small boobs and the sundress I was wearing). So, the upside of Three getting super cranky/impatient/clingy thanks to the long wait at security was there was no way he was going through the metal detector on his own. At least TSA saved everyone from my boobs.